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| so , don't tell me you love me
if you don't even actually like me .
I'm tired of this shit and I don't know what the hell I'm doing . I need to get thiis of my chest .
say the truth , this is too much for me to bear .
I like you , I honestly do .
But it doesn't mean I have to take the way you treat me ,
I know I'm not important but please stop this ,
I can't do this anymore .
It's killing me .
please just stop the tears from falling .
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| I have a really bad habit . whenever something screws up , or goes wrong . I just kind of run back to people who know me the best . I hate how I push some people away just by instinct . Either to protect them , or protect me . I'm sorry if I hurt anyone , but I'm so used to running away when I don't know what to do . I know it hurts so many people , but I don't have the strength to stay and confront everything just yet . Give me some time , I'll prove to you I've grown up . I'll undo all my mistakes and make everything right again .
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| la la la ~ I wanna remember my happy moments . so I'm gonna write about it , I wanna read back on this and laugh or something .
I want you to understand ,
I may not be as pretty as her ,
may not be as understanding or as sweet as she was ,
I may disappoint you and I might even fuck things up .
But believe me when I say , I'm just trying to be me .
No pretenses , no bullshit .
Just 100% me .
And if you can't handle me like this ,
I don't think you can handle me when I have my sweet , cheesy moments .
so please , don't turn your back like everyone else did .
I want to be happy again , and not have it fuck up ..
not yet at least .
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| so it's been what ? a few months ? I really don't feel like updating so I'm just gonna write whatever pops into my mind as they come along .
Throwing your cigarette butts to the ground .
I waited for you in the spring cold ,
you looked every where but my eyes .
My eyes that were searching for some kind of answer , some kind of feeling in yours .
But all I found was the cold shattered heart left behind .
The stinging in my eyes becomes apparent and you reach out to wipe away the tears as they fell uncontrollably .
I felt you pull me against your chest ,
Thought I felt the longing in your hug but I shook it away ,
couldn't lie to myself anymore .
This has got to end ,
I can't let this memory haunt me any longer ...
I really think I should make some long sweet poem about you , but I don't think I can . Not because I don't like you , cause I do , don't worry . I just don't know what to say . I think the only sentence that could sum up how I feel would probably be ..
you make me happy .
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| I haven't updated in a long time , I'm not sure why . I'll be going on a few road trips soon , and I think that'll take away even more time to update .
I've been feeling really .. lost . LOL . does that even make sense ? O: OH SHOOT . I FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING .
I SAW ..
..
..
D
R
U
M
R
O
L
L
mr.don'tlooksoscared .
do you guys remember him ? He was the guy I dated before marshimellow . I was at a mall , and when I walked out , turned the corner , BAM there he was . My heart was crazy , it was like BOOM BOOM BOOM . I was shocked , I haven't seen him in more than half a year , I just realized how much I missed him . I know it's silly , of course it's silly . He was special , things were easy with him , it was always easy with him . He was so TALL . Dude he was huuuge . I was like oh fcuk . I don't think he recognized me .. Maybe he did , we both didn't say anything . Maybe it's better that way , then old feelings won't return , it's safer that way .
&fiire; &fiire; *firee;
The candle light flickered slightly in the dim room ,
we lean closer towards it and our fingers slowly moved forward towards the flame .
Then like a reflex we completely back down ,
pull our fingers back to comfort .
We were afraid , scared of the pain , the burn ,
but it's a risk I'm willing to make ,
I just hope you're willing to make it too ...
crystalmyracle
august 3 2010
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